Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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