She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
