Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
