i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
