I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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