somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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