Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
