i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
