i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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