I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
