i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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