theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
