I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
