I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
