The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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