Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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