Your face is a jimmy john
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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