feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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