Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
