The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
