My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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