i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
