and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
