I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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