I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
