I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
