I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
