so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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