when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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