it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
