We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
