I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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