i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
