I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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