I'm gonna have a badass scar
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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