Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
