I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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