He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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