remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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