BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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