I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
