I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
