ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
