Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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