sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
