WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
