I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
