So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
