my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
