peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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