who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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