relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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