I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
